I’ve moved to my new non-physical address at www.askthemasterofscience.com.  If you’re freaked out by my dropping the truth bomb all over the place, then you probably shouldn’t follow me there.

Master,

I’m confused about politics?  How do you scientifically determine which side you should be on?

-Red or Blue?

Dear Red or Blue?,

Be on your own side, because nobody else is, especially those fat cats on the city council.  And be sure to vote for me in November, because I’m on your side.  On the economy, the crime, and health care, I feel your brain, literally.  That’s my slogan.  I feel your brain, literally.  Pretty good huh?

Dear Master of Science,

I am working on a summer project and I want to know if shiny things (like tinfoil or a mirror) reflect radio waves better than dull things (like wood or rock)?

-Luke Staisiunas

Dear Luke,

The question, like so many questions, is not one of shine-ocity, the question is whether the objects vibrate with a symphonetic vibration.  Let me explain.  If the object is tuned to the frequency of the radio waves, then it will start to vibrate, symphonetically, hence absorbing the radio wave.  Other things are not so symphonetic.  So the answer to your question is clear.

Another way to simplify the concept is think about when the homecoming queen waves to the crowd during the homecoming parade.  The crowd waves back right?  Everyone responds and waves symphonically, it’s just disrespectful to snub royalty.  Only inanimate objects which do not respect her majesty atop the float will not wave back.

Far in the future of science, there will come a day when my theories will be vindicated (like my so called “crackpot” theory about getting free energy from a mixture of crack and pot).  When this day comes, it is written in my will that my corpse will be exhumed and reanimated with pistons and light emitting diodes.  Hopefully, I will look like the Terminator with half a face and such.  Then there will be a parade on the way to receiving my Nobel Prize (or future equivalent).  I will be the sciencecoming king and sit atop the float.  I will wave and everyone will wave back, symphonetically.  People will look at me and say that I look very gentlemanly and handsome and also like I might, at any second, start strafing the crowd with a nightmare weapon.  My corpse will then fritter away the Noble Prize money in Vegas and be buried again, penniless, in a pauper’s grave.  But that’s what happens to corpses that can’t control their gambling.  This is America after all and we’re free to fail, animatronic corpses do not get a free pass.

Email your science questions to sciencemasterof@gmail.com Master of Science might even answer them!

Ask Master Restrospective

This web-publish collects all our exciting adventures in correcting your irrationality in one convenient portable document format.  Plus, as a bonus, there are some new things inserted (as if my old writings weren’t good enough).   Note: please forward all the Nobel Prizes I’ll win for this book to my email: sciencemasterof@gmail.com.

Scientifically,

MoS

Mailbag 4/22/09

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